Two Years Later
by stevieLUVSAlex
Summary: It has been two years since Elliot's departure. Olivia has not been the same since. Finally, her head is above water again. So what happens when Elliot makes a reappearance? Is this the end for E/O or can they make repairs? Please R&R. LAST CHAPTER UP!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone! My muse and I are working closely together, though our fights are so frequent that I can never be sure where we are one day to the next, but as for now, this very minute, we're doing our best to get along. This FF goes out to Mariah94 – my SVU inspiration, who never fails to leave me with kind words. Thank you… and I hope this FF lives up to your expectations. =))**

"TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS"

Olivia wasn't sure how true that statement was. She wasn't sure she believed in it at all. She had never told any victim that time healed their wounds, physically maybe, but emotionally, it was a lie. There was no such thing as closure - it was a myth. So what made her think that the above statement could bring her any comfort.

Sure, Olivia hadn't been the victim of someone's violent rape act. She hadn't had to stand up in court and re-live the horror of her deepest pain for the world to see. No. Olivia didn't have to share her feelings with anyone, if she didn't want to, and she didn't. She had never been one to go around sharing her emotions for sympathy, though in this case she was sure if she opened her mouth, she'd have all the support she could ever need.

That was the thing about the precinct; her friends always had her back. Or at least, they did if she excluded the one person she always believed would never let her down. It happened that way sometimes, and that's what she consistently told herself, that nothing was forever, that no one could promise the impossible.

But they were just words and thoughts, it helped none for her broken heart. The way it left a gaping hole in her heart, the way the mere mention of his name was enough to rip her heart wide open, causing her insides to crumble and her legs to feel like jelly. Olivia had never experienced such an emotion in all her life, not even the death of her mother was as hard to live with as the pain Elliot Stabler had caused, when he left.

But somehow, Olivia managed to live with it. She got up in the morning, despite the will not to want to, and she went to work. She focussed all her energy into the cases she was given, and when she couldn't help the victim, she went home and cried herself to sleep, believing that she had somehow failed them because her spirit was crushed. Olivia felt little comfort in the way her colleagues smiled at her. In fact, even knowing it came from a good place, she still felt the hunter's blade rip through her like wildfire, reminding her that he wasn't there.

Smiles were rare and magical, when they occurred.

Though anyone who didn't know her, might not have seen the difference at all, because somehow, Olivia had kept her head above water, barely, but above water, and sometimes that was a miracle in itself.

The day was drawing to a close and Olivia was ready to go home, crawl into her bed, and drown out the world for the next few hours, until she was called in again to help with a case.

"Hey, Benson!" Munch called. "You want to come out for a drink?"

Those in the precinct had taken to calling her Benson, because each time they'd called her Olivia, or in some rare cases, Liv, she seemed to shut down and lose her focus. It was easier, if they just called her Benson. And it seemed to work. It was a name that she didn't associate with Elliot, a name that didn't kill her a little more, each time it was said, giving her heart a chance to heal enough that she could survive.

Her answer was always the same. "Maybe next time." Olivia didn't have the heart to tell him that she never wanted to go out again, but she always appreciated the gesture. Munch, it seemed, never gave up on her.

He stepped toward her, so that when he spoke their conversation was a little more private. "I think you should come this time," he urged. "You'll be surprised at how good it feels to be out and about."

"I just can't," she said, fighting back the tears.

He took her hand gently in his own. "I promise not to leave your sight for a single moment, not for anything," he said, pleadingly. It hadn't been easy for everyone who loved her to sit back and watch her spirit diminish with each passing day. Munch wouldn't have been surprised if any day now, she put in her papers and disappeared.

Olivia shook her head, determined not to associate with Nick and Amanda. Not because they weren't good detectives. She had been forced to work with him a few times, and they were good at what they did, both of them bringing something new to the group. But Olivia was afraid that somehow if she associated with him, if she turned them from colleague to friend, she was betraying her partner… ex-partner.

"Olivia…" he said, soothingly, using her first name on purpose. "It's been two years, baby. It's time to get your feet wet. You have to get back into the world, you have to try…"

The tears stung her eyes. "Please, don't," she begged. "I just can't."

Munch looked sucker-punched. He just wanted to help her, and he didn't know how. "How about you come out for ten minutes or so, have a drink, and then you can call a cab. Amanda and Nick are nice… you'd like 'em."

Olivia felt her defences rise. "No," she said, forcefully. "I don't- I just can't. I'll see you tomorrow," she turned to leave.

"Please!"

Olivia paused for a moment, long enough to hear the trepidation in his tone, before she fled the precinct. For ten minutes she sat in her car, unable to drive home, feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders. What harm was one drink?

Finally, she made her way to the tavern, where they always drank, memories of Elliot stirring with every corner of the bar. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed the memories to go away. When she opened her eyes again, she saw her friends crowded in a corner.

Munch smiled when he saw her, and she walked to him.

"Beer?" he asked, slipping an arm around her shoulder.

Olivia nodded.

"Someone get the woman a drink!" he shouted.

A moment later, she had a beer in her hand. She watched her colleagues with interest. Nick and Amanda had seemed to settle in easily, having found their place in the group. It was hard for Olivia to accept that, since she only interacted with them at work, when she was forced to. Fin seemed to get on well with Nick, and Amanda seemed like one of the guys, in her own feminine way.

The familiar stab of pain that reminded her that he was gone, striked again and she couldn't hide it from her face.

"You're doin' fine," Fin said, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder.

Olivia wasn't so sure, but she didn't run, she stood tall and she sipped her beer, wondering if it would ever get easier.

**I would love some feedback from you… good or bad is welcome. =)) I have some plans for this FF, and I hope you guys will follow me, because this is just the beginning. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Only three ppl have reviewed… this makes me sad… *pouts like a child* I suppose I can't complain, I get to do my favourite thing. Anyways, hope this chapter is better than the last. =)) **

Olivia made more of an effort to associate with Nick and Amanda, outside work. She said yes to 'after work drinks' and even tried to make conversation in between cases, and slowly she began to like them, but still in the depth of her hear she ached for Elliot. He was irreplaceable even if he had walked out on her, even if his abandonment had caused her the greatest of pain, her heart didn't care – it still wanted him.

The difference was that Olivia had found a way to conceal it. When his name was mentioned, she was blank, when she was reminded of something he had done or said, her face didn't show any kind of expression at all. She didn't know whether her co-workers and friends were beginning to believe she was moving past it, but deep down she still felt lost in a place she had always found solace, as if she had lost an arm. It was taking a considerable amount of time to heal, as she found other ways to deal with what she had always found easy.

On this particular day, Munch and Nick had been asked to go to Manhattan South to question the suspects parents, and Amanda and Fin had gone to see Alex Cabot, about the court side of things, leaving Olivia to file paperwork at her desk, which she was more than grateful for. Since Elliot's departure, she found she did a little less field work, and found that it didn't bother her quite as much as it used to.

"Hi, Liv…" the voice greeted.

Olivia sucked in her breath, feeling her whole body go limp. She would know that voice anywhere. It took her a full minute before she turned her head, to find him standing behind her. Two years later, and he still took her breath away. He stood still and rigid dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, but she saw right through him. His face was drawn, and he had dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept in months. The smile that haunted her dreams, was absent, and in its place was a look that made her already shattered heart, break all over again.

She couldn't form the words to speak, and could only stare, wondering if he was even real.

"I had to give a statement about a crime, and I figured since I was here, I mean…" he shrugged, in explanation to a questions she didn't ask. "What harm could it do?"

_What harm indeed_, she thought. His very presence was causing her body to shut down. If she lost him again, she didn't know how to pick up the pieces. If he walked away, she would have to go with him. If he held her, she'd hold him back. Because if he disappeared again, then she knew with absolute certainty that she would, too.

"Elliot?" Cragen's voice called.

He turned to find his old Boss lingering in the doorway of his office. "Hey, Captain."

"My office," he ordered. "Now!"

Elliot turned back to Olivia, a weak smile pulling at the edge of his mouth, but not quite reaching, as if it hurt him to smile. "I'll see you in a minute, okay? I want to talk to you about- about some things."

Olivia just stared at him, as he turned and walked away from her. Her eyes were glued to the Captain's office, the whole time that Elliot was in there. The door was closed, of course, so she had no idea what was being said. When the door opened again, Cragen poked his head out and called Olivia to come.

She could barely find the strength to move her jelly-like legs, but she somehow forced herself. In the office, Elliot was nowhere in sight. Had she imagined him?

"He's gone," Cragen told her, answering her question. There was an exit door to Cragen's office that didn't enter the bullpen.

Olivia looked at him, trying to find the words to speak.

"It's okay," he said firmly. "He won't bother you again. I promise."

Olivia felt the air leave her lungs, as she tried to catch her breath. He couldn't be gone. She didn't know where he was. "Cap… where… where did he-"

"It doesn't matter. He won't be back Benson. Do you want to take the rest of the day off?"

Surprising herself, she nodded yes, and left the office, collecting her jacket on the way out. Maybe if she could hurry, she might find him somewhere. There was a lot to say.

**I do like cliff-hangers. =))**

**As usual, I leave it in your hands to leave a review… if you have the time… I would appreciate it, otherwise… have a good day/night. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I actually had trouble writing this. As you know, I can't watch the new eps, it's too painful. Writing this scene was like ripping my guts out. I honestly don't know how Mariska Hargitay managed to hold it together so well. She's professional, that's for sure. And I know that in the beginning, she held it together brilliantly. **

**Anyways… read on =))**

Outside in the cold New York air, she found him standing on the street, looking from one end to the other, as if he had no place to go. He looked lost.

"Elliot," she called, her voice cracking as it resembled more of a strangled cat than anything else. At the sound of his name, he snapped his head around to find his ex-partner standing by the entrance door of the police station. His eyes recognised her and a small smile spread from his lips, not quite reaching his eyes, as it used to.

Slowly, he began walking to her and she to him, meeting somewhere in the middle.

"Hi," he greeted warmly.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked bluntly. The pain in her chest that had lingered for two years finally began to dim, like the last flicker of a candle going out when it didn't have enough oxygen.

"I came to see you," he said, stating the obvious.

"Out here?" she said, sarcastically. "I wasn't out here."

"Well, I was coming to-"

"Lie to me!" she said bitterly. She could feel the anger rise to her throat.

"I know," he nodded, lowering his eyes to the ground. "I owe you a-"

"Yeah, you do," she said, before he had a chance to finish. "You told me you wanted to talk and then you just take off. I thought that-" she shook her head in disbelief. He was still much the same. Still running away when things got tough. Still trying to find the easy way out.

Elliot shuffled his feet. "Do you think we could go somewhere and talk now. I do have some things to say and- and it looks like you do too."

Olivia considered it. For the first time in 24 months she felt like her whole world wasn't running on autopilot. She could finally breathe again. "Fine," she shrugged, trying to appear indifferent. She had no place to be. "Let's go to the bar."

"Okay," he agreed readily.

A little while later, they both ordered a beer and sat up at the bar.

"Should I go first?" he suggested, when Olivia didn't say anything.

"No. I should. Why did you walk out?"

It took a moment for him to answer. "Cragen told me that you'd be better off without me. He said that Fin and Munch felt the same way. I don't know what happened when I left but I'm sorry if I ever caused you pain of any measure, I just-"

Olivia wanted to save face. "I'm peachy freakin' keen. Why wouldn't I be? Did you expect me to fall apart the moment you left?" she challenged. She took a large swallow of her beer and then placed it back on the bar in front of her. "I don't need you to complete my life, Elliot. I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself."

"I didn't mean to-"

"You never mean do, but you always do, don't you?"

"I didn't know how to handle it, Liv," he explained. "I was going through some difficult times and-"

"You ran away. I'm not surprised. It's what you're good at, isn't it?"

"I guess I deserved that."

Olivia didn't contradict him. "Since when do you listen to everyone else. The Elliot I knew goes by the beat of his own drum. You've never listened to Munch and Fin or Cragen for that matter, what makes this different?"

Elliot stared at the glass, nursing his drink.

"I just wanted to see you for a few minutes. Tell you about what's happened and- and then Cragen told me that if I went near you ever again, he'd put my balls in a blender?" he admitted. Olivia managed a smile. "I knew that meant it was serious. I don't want to make things harder for you, Liv. I have caused enough pain."

"Isn't that for me to decide," she challenged, wincing at the way he said her name. She knew that it was coming from a good place with the boys. But it was her heart and it was her life, and she told Elliot just that. "I mean, it's my life isn't it?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "It is. So what do you propose?"

"You tell me the truth. No more lies. Be honest for once. Why did you leave without talking to me? I was your partner, Elliot. For twelve years I had your back and I never failed you. So why, when you left, did you think so little of me that I didn't even deserve a simple courteous goodbye," the tears filled her eyes.

Elliot reached out to touch her, but she recoiled. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" she pressed, determined to know what it was that had sent him away without a word. "Sorry isn't good enough. Do you think that coming back now was going to score you brownie points? That you showed your bravery by coming back here, is that what you think? Let me tell you something, Stabler. You can't just come by and see me whenever you feel like it. It's been two years, you bastard. TWO YEARS!"

"I realize that but I-"

Olivia stood from the stool and finished the last of her beer, stopping him dead in his tracks. "I'm done!" she shrugged. "Do what you want. I don't care anymore."

She walked away before he could stop her.

**It makes me wonder if they had nothing on Elliot, besides his putting in his papers, because it would hurt not only Olivia Benson, but Mariska Hargitay. It makes sense to me that the writers would be a little careful about their actors. Mariska was heartbroken when Chris left, and rightly so, they were BFF's after all. Does anyone else feel that way? **

**Feel free to express, even if you don't mirror my thoughts.**

**Ps. The next scene will go into a little more deep conversation… can I bargain for a chapter, asking you to leave a review *bats eyelashes* Oh please! Oh please! Oh please!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hi everyone. I hope you're all eager for the next chapter. =)). Here goes…**

It was too much for Olivia to take. Seeing him again. Seeing him sitting there and making excuses about why he broke her heart, as if it was okay because he had a good reason. It made Olivia more angry than she had ever been at him. And it hurt too, to stay. In her apartment, she took a wine glass from the shelf. One of those oversized ones that fill 600ml and she poured the wine until the half-bottle was empty, and then she took a swig.

She went to her couch and sat down, tucking her feet underneath her. For a long time she simply stared out the window, sipping on her glass every couple of minutes, lost in memories of the past.

A knock at the door interrupted her, and she stood unsteadily from the couch, and crossed the room to answer it.

Olivia didn't even notice the time when she opened the door, and Elliot Stabler was standing on the other side. Her hand instantly flew to her stomach, as if it could conceal the washing machine feeling in her gut. "What are you doing here?" she managed to ask. "I thought my words at the bar were pretty clear."

"Yeah, well…"

"You screwed up!"

"I know I did."

"So what do you want, forgiveness?"

"A second chance."

"Why? What makes you think you deserves one."

"I don't. But you're going to give me one anyway."

"Yeah," she asked with amusement, as she sipped on her wine. "And why's that?"

"Because you've always been the better person," he said, reaching out and snatching the glass from her. "You don't need that. You _are_ the better person, Liv, and because there is something magical about you that makes you reach out to those who have done wrong. You believe in second chances and you've always believed in me."

Olivia turned on her heel and wandered back to the lounge room. He followed, dumping the wine glass on the counter as he passed by. "Two years ago you shattered my heart," she stated, trying to hide the emotion from her voice. "You just put in your papers and you were gone, and that was it. I don't believe in anything in anymore."

"Let me change your mind," he pleaded.

"How do you propose to do that?"

He stepped closer to her and reached out his hand to touch her face. She flinched. It had been a long time since she had felt his hand brush against her, whether it was a gentle hug or a slight finger on her shoulder. It had been so long that she had forced herself to believe it would never happen again. It was hard having him so close to her. She could smell the familiar scent of his aftershave, so subtly that it made her ache.

"I want to tell you everything."

Olivia was too weak with desire to turn him away, though in her head she was screaming at him to leave her alone.

Her silence, gave him the impression she wanted to hear it. He took her hand in his own and pulled her down on the couch, beside him. "In all the years I've been alive I can't recall a time that was worse for me than turning in my papers. The job was all I knew. I didn't know how to be anything else but a detective. But it wasn't that. The very idea that I was walking away from our partnership made me sick. I knew if I said goodbye I would be waking up every morning knowing I wouldn't see you every day. It was too much for me to handle on top of everything else."

"And you think that saying nothing to me was better?" she challenged. It seemed like a cop-out. An excuse to get back into her good books.

"I don't know. I didn't let myself think about it. I don't need to tell you why I left, Olivia…"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Of course you don't. I know why you left. I even understand it. I wasn't angry that you decided to leave SVU. I was angry because I had to find out through Cragen. Do you know how that made me feel?"

"I can imagine."

"No," she denied. "You can't imagine. Do you know how many times I had to hold back the tears when people asked me where you were, assuming as your partner I would know. I should have been told first. Finding out from Cragen-."

"Please," he begged. "Let me finish."

Olivia shrugged. "Finish then!"

"I owed you more than you got," he said. "You did. But the reality was, leaving you was the most insanely excruciating moment in my whole life. I didn't know how to say goodbye to you. I didn't know how to come back. I didn't know how to call you. You always knew me so well, so when I left I just assumed that I'd call you the next day or you'd call me."

"I called. You didn't answer."

"I wasn't ready to say it then…"

"You chickened out of it?"

"I did," he lowered his head in defeat. "I know it doesn't make up for anything. I was a mess for two years and I didn't want you to be the one who had to pick up the pieces. It wasn't your job. I went to counselling, and you know how I feel about shrinks."

Olivia nodded. She knew everything about him, it was why it had hurt so much.

"I left Kathy. We're divorced. I mean, she tried and God knows I tried… but it wasn't working. I didn't want to be with her anymore, and I could see that she didn't want to be with me either. I came to too many realisations. It was another reason I couldn't call you…"

Olivia felt her heart pounding loudly against the wall of her chest. "And why was that?"

"Because I love you…"

Olivia knew that he wasn't talking about the kind of love that stemmed from friendship. It was clear by the look in his eyes that it was a deep love, the kind that she had been holding onto since they had first met. The kind of love she had buried within her for years because he was married. Even Kathy had known.

Olivia gasped, allowing the words to reach her heart.

"Let me show you… let me make things better… tell me I'm not two years too late."

"Not two years," she managed to say. "More like twelve."

Elliot's face grew pale right in front of her. "I'm too late?"

**I think I will have ONE more chapter in this story. =)). So, I'll be sure to make it a good one if you can do me the same favour and leave me a review… oh, I'm sorry how rude of me. PLEASE can you leave me a review… you know, to stroke my little ego! **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: The last chapter. I am hoping that I fulfil all your needs in this. YES! It has a happy ending… and isn't that why you're here? =))**

He stepped back, looking as if he had been sucker punched. "I'm too late?" he repeated.

Olivia managed to smile though her tears. _Better late than never_, she thought silently. Olivia had always waited for him, subconsciously anyway. He was the only man in her life. Hadn't he told her that a thousand times? And hadn't she always agreed with him? No man had ever measured up to him. No one had the same passion or the same temper, that she'd always wanted to tame. No one understood her the way that he did. No one else ever knew her the way she was, flaws and all, and still managed to believe she could accomplish great things.

He was her best friend.

She'd tried to date a few times, but the history of her love life, it ended. Olivia didn't understand what she was doing wrong. She was a good person. She had a sense of humour. She was attractive. And yet it ended the same way – she went to bed alone every night.

"You just rejected me,' he said quietly. "And you find that entertaining?"

"Not at all," she said seriously. "You don't believe that's the kind of person I am, do you? Just because you hurt me doesn't mean I want the same for you. It's not who I am, El."

He nodded. "You're right. It's not. But forgive me for feeling like my world came crashing down just now," he muttered.

Olivia hid her smile. He was sexy when he was vulnerable. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

Elliot looked up to meet her gaze, desperation etched across his face. "So that's it? I can't change your mind?"

"I don't get to choose," she explained. "I never have."

"What does that mean?" he frowned.

It could have been the wine she had consumed. It could have been his long overdue confession. Or maybe it was a mixture of the two.

"It means you can hurt me over and over again," she told him, locking eyes with him. "And I'll still love you. No matter what you do, no matter how many times you shatter my heart or walk away from me, I can't stop my feelings. They consume me, El, in every sense of the word. I can't escape you. For two years I waited for you to come back. I waited for you to call. And every day that passed, I made excuses for you… I had to believe that you'd come back, even if it was just to say goodbye. It was the only way I knew how to survive."

"I'm not here to say goodbye," he said, taking a step forward.

"Good. Because I'm not sure I can hear it from you."

"I want to save you, Liv. Like you saved me."

"I love you, Elliot Stabler. I love you-"

He took a swift step, colliding with her. The force of their bodies crashing sent a burning desire through both of them. His lips met her mouth in an explosive kiss. Arms and legs entangled as he pulled his arms around her, drawing her closer. She could feel the heat of his body against hers. The desire… the want… evident, as his lower body came to life.

Without a word, Elliot made a move towards the bedroom, and Olivia followed suit. They fell on the bed, Olivia pinned underneath him. His fingers fumbled to remove her clothes, her hands just as eager to do the same for him. His hands roamed her body, touching places that no one else had managed to reach in the same way. She closed her eyes, feeling his love in the way he held her, in the way he kissed her…

As he made love to her, she knew with every fibre of her being that she wouldn't spend another night alone.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear, over and over again, making up for the twelve years that he could never say it aloud.

**I hope that this was up to standard. Obviously, it was OOC, but the fact that this is FF gives me the right to toy with them anyway I like. And who doesn't love a good E/O romance. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, alerted and favourite-d. **

**Ps. To those who are sad to see this go, there is hope. I have a new one-shot idea I'm toying with. I's going to be completely IN CHARACTER. But something that… well, you'll just have to wait and see. I'm excited about it, so you can be too. =))**


End file.
